mixed

Most of the time, I need stuff that can help me keep my head high above the pain and heartache that fill my days. Sometimes, though, there's so much going on that even the strongest pick-me-ups can't lift me high enough and the illusion gets shaky. Today was one of those days. I will continue to be sad and terrified by how easy it is for adults to demonstrate their disrespect for young people by stripping out all of the supports that make it even halfway bearable to navigate through changing expectations and real decisions. I want to believe that I can impact that. I want to continue to shift those priorities. I want my future generations to have a foundation to continue this work for their future generations. I want to win.

Sometimes, though, I can get swept up in the fervor and turmoil and forget the values that ground me in this work. I can get panicky and careless. I can act outside of myself and forget.

I am grateful for the small number of people who can see that happening in me and know how to get through my brambles to stay close to me and remind me of what I already know in the different ways I need to hear it. More than any pick-me-up, I get so much from those who know how to hold me down.