problem solving!

Thanks Kasha's mom for helping solve the age-old problems of life in an uninsulated house. The sage green, I'm pleased to report, is very soothing, and it is versatile for men AND women. Also, the booklight is very powerful.

This narrowly beat out Seph's 10 year mistaken identity clarity. Seph is still my favorite version of Rob Lowe. Marty added Colin Farrell. What do you think?

quiet

Today was a day of stretching. Professionally, the moments of sitting still and not jumping into the conversation every two seconds were huge. The quiet space of our new office is going to challenge me to do my job well and in a new way. Personally, I'm learning that when I let things go, they do their best to return and test my strength. And my quest to a solid set of 10 push-ups is coming along so nicely that I'm pretty sure that my physical strength just might catch up to my emotional strength sometime in this decade. Hallelujah!

out on a storm

15 years ago, early early this morning, my mom climbed up into my bed with 12-year-old me and didn't have to say anything. There was a big storm that night and my dad, who had been in a scary hepatic coma in my parents' bedroom for many days, took off in a mix of thunder and clouds and downpour. I think last year was the first time I thought about him without crying, but I'm pretty sure that was just a passing phase.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to live on in the legacy he and my mom created in West Oakland and in the world. I will remember his laughter, his ability to strike fear in kids and adults by furrowing his brow, his salt-and-pepper "skunk" beard, his car dancing, his playfulness, his patience and impatience, his bike and roller skates, his love of technology and community, his hairy arms, his wisdom, and his tenacity even in the face of failure.

I know his spirit lives on in me and I'm hopeful every day for the strength to carry it on.

squash water

Once again, the farm box brings the joy, this time in the form of butternut squash soup with melted leeks. Kasha's barn-living knowledge yielded a little genius from the start - did you know that you can roast your butternut squash in a little pool of water and it won't ruin your baking dish? winner. The leeks were curvy on the inside and then sliced up into lovely little half-circles.


Melting leeks is kind of a challenging process, especially if you don't know what you're going for before you start. We ended up with curly leek crackers, essentially. But they were really fun to play with. Add in a little pecorino romano, a mixture of all of the mustards left in the fridge, and some meyer lemon, and your squash water becomes a creamy delicious soup. Just the comfort for a crappy day at work or on the couch. For reals.

elliptical etc.

I love my gym. Despite the head injury I sustained there last summer, I continue to make my way to the treadmill, elliptical, weight machines, outdoor pool, and stretching area on the regular. It used to be that my main incentive for going was to watch my favorite shows on the tiny televisions attached to the machines. Something about an hour of Tyra Banks smiling with her eyes really made me push myself to go the extra quarter mile or to run instead of walk.

In Achieving Service Excellence, we talk about creating school district "customers" (aka families and employees) who become ambassadors for us. We appreciate the people who continue to come back to us, but we really want to do everything we can to make people encourage their families and friends to join them in being OUSD customers. I can't say that there's anyone who has sustained a head injury that has been an ambassador for OUSD. I'm that for my gym. Crazy.

In addition to losing about 25 pounds courtesy, in part, of my hard work with the machines, I feel stronger, have much better stamina, and built up my ability to be disciplined and follow through with goals I set for myself. Woohoo!

thanks rev.

I like to be dazzled by political shows. Today was full of ceremony, that's for sure. I'm still holding my breath, though.

For now, I share in this plea to G-d, and anyone else who cares to answer the call:

"We ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around. When yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right."

skinny white guys

So I missed a few days... moving on.

Honestly, no one tells a story like a skinny white guy. Bonus points if he's on a bike with a spraycan (or twelve in a milk crate strapped to the handlebars). Tonight was about birthdays (no one said birthdays), zebras (no one said zebras), a chupacabra (yes, maybe it was on a t-shirt), animal hats, and squirrel-fu. I'm still laughing.

crafty

okay okay, so i brought lanyard to kasha's crafternoon. it wasn't a quilt or socks or beaded earrings or a graf pumpkin, but i worked on it until i got hella bored. then i started getting amazing ideas. no leaks yet, but let's just say that you should stay tuned for my GENIUS food plans. there might be giant pelicans involved.

Oakland/Fallujah

This is the view from my front porch. That's the moon. Those are also big sky streaks. Maybe they are clouds of teargas. Maybe they are clouds of smoke. Those little squiggles are helicoptors. Right now, there are only 4 different ones I can see, but I think there are more up there. Pretty desolate.

Through the clouds, to the right of my front porch, if you squint really hard, in spite of the night lights and noisy distractions, you can see the stars. It's a stretch, but I'm trying.

buddies

I'm lucky to have lots of reasons to laugh my way through my crazy days - middle school student commentary, pop music, blogs, funny text messages - especially when the big picture is doing its best to hang a frowny cloud over the Town and the world.

Today, I realized that it takes a special friend to reduce me to giggles without a word. And for that (plus ice cream!), I'm lucky AND grateful.

closure

Part of why I started this blog was to have an outlet for some of my end-of-2008 grief and heartache. That's been working out well. I'm prioritizing my own happiness, which is a big deal, especially since a lot of 2008 (and let's be honest, most of my life) has been about caregiving for other people and prioritizing other people's needs. I'm not going to pretend that looking out for my folks isn't a huge part of who I am anymore, or that I've magically started ignoring phone calls and neglecting my work, but I'm actively thinking about my needs in the mix these days. I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed, but I have.

In that vein, I'm realizing that there are some things and some people that I unintentionally left behind in 2008, and now that I've noticed that, it's intentional. Thanks, calendar, for the commonly accepted hav'dallah (separation). Good luck in whatever you're doing, people who didn't make it to 2009 with me.

Maybe that doesn't sound like a pick-me-up. But for real, I feel a thousand pounds lighter.

all around winner

1. Two miles on the treadmill, plus no fainting in the shower at the gym. WIN.
   
2. Otaez chilaquiles verdes for breakfast. WIN.
3. Started all of my work to-dos for the weekend. WIN.
4. Made my first bet at the racetrack. WIN. (like really, we won $5.80 on that bet)
5. Dollar beers. WIN. WIN.
6. Picante super nachos, plus the Saturday crossword puzzle. WIN.
7. Buddy time with Chels Malone. WIN.
8. Warriors v. Pacers. WIN. (like really, 120-117)
9. In bed before 10p on a school night. WIN.

Can't tell me nuthin.

racoons and creepy jerks

I like a good story. Even when my idea of a good story was a Baby-sitters' Club book (Logan Bruno, where are you?), I could usually be found with my head in a book, or eavesdropping on my parents and their friends talk about the old days, or making up something close enough to truth that my friends would probably believe it.

When I worked at The Freedom Archives, so much of my work was about connecting stories of struggle and resistance to the stories we were living in that moment. The idea that we could learn directly from someone else's stories and use that wisdom to change the stories our decendents will tell about us is what made me feel so solid in that work.

I get into trouble sometimes because I sense connections between other peoples' stories and my own - except the connections are sometimes stronger in my mind than they end up being on my lips. One of my goals for myself, especially given my recent vocabulary challenges, is to get tighter on my stories and connections, if nothing more than to make it easier on the loved ones who are listening.

Today I heard a lot of good stories - Spanish-speaking pitbulls, strawberry-blonde raccoons, BART-starers, 90s Detroit TV commercials, and Hawaiian mold. I'm sure I'll find myself repeating them sometime soon, vaguely connected to someone else's story. But that's what keeps us connected, reminded that we're not running solo out there, and there's always something to laugh about.

This rambling message is brought to you by 3:14am, cerveza Sol, and accidental late-afternoon naps. Word.

glimmer flicker

Listen to the story

enough said...

you like it i love it

There's an owl on your clock.

I have the pleasure of working with some incredible people who get up every morning to serve Oakland youth. I often say that you'd have to be crazy to be one of those people, but the truth is that they are living on a roller coaster made up of the roller coasters of all of the students they work for. And most of them avoid nausea.

I've been in this work for almost two years now, and I've seen a lot of things in Principals' offices. Some bad adult behavior, some amusing kid logic, some good ideas, some terrifying circumstances - enough to write a book of non-fiction that would get us all accused of lying. Needless to say, very little surprises me anymore.

And then I happened to glance over at this, on the wall at one of my elementary schools. When I asked the Principal what it was doing there, he said (as I've heard him say about many people) "I like it!"

Whatever gets you through the day...

tall like a tree

today was rough, so what better than to share the air with my favorite tall men in the town? unfortunately the tall men from socal beat us in points, but i'm pretty sure we won in style.

just a little note: i'm deliberately not talking about the state of the world and my city here. my insides are on fire with disappointment and rage, while my training as an organizer, politico, policyhead, and fighter is working around the clock to act for change in this soul-trying time. my promise to myself is to not shut down in the face of it all, and to keep the glimmer of love, hope, justice, patience, and laughter alive enough to return to full force someday soon. ask me how i'm doing.

secrets

i know a lot of stuff. and i'm not tellin'! today's secrets made me laugh harder than ever. thanks job and life!

little family

Fania and Mom, 2009.

My parents always told me that I inspired them to work harder, be better people, and set a good example. I'm lucky to have a mother who continues to be an inspiration to me, and to many others in Oakland. Sometimes it's been hard to share her with 20,000 or so constituents, but I'm grateful to have a role model so easily accessible.

Today, my mom was inaugurated for her fourth term as the City Councilwoman for Oakland's third district. Today, my mom stood up in front of her colleagues and our community and implored them to work hard, be better people, and set a good example for all of us. Today, my pride in my family and our impact on Oakland and the people of Oakland swelled a little more. And today, as genocide and injustice plague so many people in the town and around the world, my faith in our ability to counter that with love, wisdom, and community multiplied again.

near-sloth

So it's the last day of winter break. I've heard all kinds of "can't we have one more day?" and "oh no, early mornings begin again". I have no sympathy. In fact, I'm really glad school and work start back up tomorrow - these past two weeks have been close to deathly boring with everyone else on vacation. I'm excited for my work email inbox and my voicemail to be active again. Excited for budget transfers that get processed and people that get hired and facilities work orders that get closed.

Since the last kids left campus on December 19th, with their caring adults chasing them out the door, I've had lots of quiet time. As most of you know, my work takes over a lot of my brain, so I had a unique challenge when I was actually able to finish working at work and go home to my own life. In between fun concerts and sports events, delicious drinks and lots of cooking, I found some gaps where work would have normally fit in. Enter technology.

I've been an on-again-off-again Netflix user for years - since before I had an actual DVD player. Sometime in the past few months, Netflix has created a Watch Instantly feature where movies from the general catalog are available for web-streaming. At first, I amused myself with episode after episode of NewsRadio and Charles in Charge on the weekends. But winter break has opened up the genres of Stand-Up Comedies, Mockumentaries, and Indie Drama to my consciousness. Thank goodness.

too many to choose!

treadmill time with jennbrown, surprise homemade tamales on my doorstep from cassie and hugo, combative grocery shopping and very creative pizza-making with chels malone... nice to have too many things that make me happy in one day to choose from. let's go oakland!

ebony and i-vo-ry

My mom's house has a huge, black upright piano in what is now the dining room. She got it when she was young and funny in Petaluma, living with a bird dog next to a chicken farm. When I was a baby, my dad would play "Hit the Road, Jack" and I would stop crying and giggle. I remember learning to play with the pedals, and across the high F that didn't sound, and peeking under the music stand at the hammers and harp as I pressed random keys. I remember the night when I came home to a real piano bench - no more metal step-stool - and filling it with my Grandma's sheet music. I never took lessons, but taught myself to play, in spite of its tunelessness and dust.

Both of my grandmothers' houses had pianos - Grandma Florence's spotless grand and Grandma Hayes' crowded with baby pictures and Methodist hymnals - and somehow it's just what makes a home a home to me. So, for my 25th birthday, my mom gave me a piano. Nothing like my grandmothers', but just right for me.

Now, after countless choir rehearsals, sectionals, funk band practices, Sirens practices, crazy-electronic-music-lady sessions, I don't have a lot to show for my career as a musician. Dusty practice rooms and makeshift sound closets come right back when I sit down at my own little keyboard and plunk out old choir music or classics from my book of torch songs. And there isn't much more comforting than that.

cliche: dance like no one's watching

There was a time when I was terrified to dance in front of anyone. I missed many an after-school wall-clinging, at least one grinding 8th grade dinner dance, and several semi-formal "balls" before I silenced the self-critical voices in my head and got with the program.

These days, you might find me sitting on the sub-woofer at Kitty's before you'll find me in the craziness Marty and Matthew create on Saturdays, but that doesn't mean the voices are back. Honestly, it probably means that my feet hurt a little in the tall shoes, and it's much more fun to drink wine from an enormous glass than to shake it with the best of them out there.

But put me in my sweats and fuzzy socks and bump some girlie music on my little speakers in the living room, and I couldn't care less whose eyes are on me. The trick about dancing like no one's watching is to remember that it's much more fun to imagine that they are. Bonus points for stuntin' in the mirror.